Step 1 of the Peaceful Pathway - Calm

Step 1: Staying Calm

Hopefully by now you all know what the Peaceful Pathway is.

Time to take a closer look at the six steps of the process.

Step 1 is all about staying calm – realign yourself with your values, your moral compass, learning not take any drastic action when it is not necessary, getting information and allowing time to map out your own pathway. Your fight here is to keep calm.

The key to staying calm and aligning yourself is following a few simple steps.  

·         Stay Calm

·         Take control

·         Get support

·         Check in on your behaviour

·         Gather your information

·         Create an action list.

The importance of staying calm:

The reason I use the word ‘calm’ is for me that is the best way to describe how you should act. Do not be reactive, do not be aggressive, do not use your emotions to make your decisions.

If you can stay calm you will be able to carefully and thoughtfully place yourself, and your family, in the best possible position to move forward positively. You will be able to carefully and clearly review all of your options before taking action.

Communication and information are the key.

Your immediate response as to how to deal with the separation – and the choices as to how you behave, and who you choose to help you – is so important. It will set your pathway. Carefully thought out and researched choices will set you on a positive path. Rash and urgent actions often lead to destruction.

 Taking Control – Getting the information

After being able to calm yourself, you will need to take control of the situation. Take time to look at what information you need and figure out where you will find it.

Before you start taking furniture, transferring money, calling lawyers and writing letters of demand, make sure you really know what it is you are after. Learn and research what all your options are. Talk to experts in the field. What are you wanting a lawyer to do? Are you fully prepared and ready to start this process? Do you even need a lawyer at this stage? Seek information first.

 Get Support and take care of yourself

 The first thing you must do is take care of yourself. If you are not well or healthy, mentally and physically, you will struggle to achieve anything and your ability to make good decisions will be highly impaired.

Get the emotional and physical support that you need.

Choose the right people to help you.

Take care of yourself. What things make you feel good or help clear your mind? Meditation, walking, yoga, running, massage. Whatever they are, now is the time to draw on these things.

Rest and food are essential. It is amazing how many people forget that they need to do these basic things after they separate. Again, if you are struggling with this and need advice, go to your GP, get support, and get your body right before you move forward.

 Check in on your behaviour

 Our response and our attitude to all things that arise after a separation are what matters. The only way to make change is to take personal responsibility and make things happen. We need to take the initiative to change our behaviour, and be responsible for it, rather than playing the blame game.

The language we use and our mode of communication are so important.

If we sit in a corner and say that ‘nothing I do matters’ and blame everyone and everything else for the bad things that happen, we will not be able to move forward.

If you take control and choose not to be the victim, use proactive language, and take proactive actions by looking for alternative and better ways, you can be in control of the outcomes. You control your feelings, no one else. They may cause you to have feelings, but it is you who chooses the response, so do it your way.

 Gather your information and utilise resources

 ·         Family Counselling

I encourage many families to engage in family counselling. There are a range of options to assist individuals, couples and families during marriage, separation and divorce.

I commonly send clients to counselling before we start the process. To access private family counsellors, you can find one yourself online or through recommendations.

 ·         Courses

There are a lot of great programs that have been developed to assist you after separation. Some people choose to use both a counsellor and enrol in such courses. I have seen great benefits come from this.

The courses are designed to improve communication and personal resilience regardless of who is causing conflict in the relationship.

 ·         Support Services

Another great resource is your local Family Support Service. Not all areas have one, but through these you can access counselling, courses and other resources such as parenting groups to help you.

Create an action list

What do you need right now?

Take some time to sit down and really think about what you need to keep going over the next few weeks. Let’s focus on the simple things like arranging some extra childcare to allow you time to think, relax or run errands. What are your immediate personal and financial needs?

What documents or information do to you need?

Once you have a list of what we need to do, we need to see what information you have and what else you may need. Time to gather all your important documents. The pathway provides you with a comprehensive list of what documents might be important to help set you up on a smooth pathway.

By the end of this step you should be feeling calmer and more focused. You should also be continuing to focus on your morals and behaviour. If you can do this, you are well on the way to making good choices.

If you would like to pre-order my book which will be released in January, you can now do so directly from my website PRE-RELEASE ORDERS

In January I will also be launching my online and face to face program. So keep an eye out x