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Working as a family lawyer for over 20 years, day after day I would see clients completely stressed out and anxious about what they needed to do after they separated. Their world, as they knew, it has just ended, and they have no idea what to do. They had heard horror stories of legal costs and court battles and all they knew was that they didn’t want this. Sadly, despite not wanting to fight. That is exactly what they did.
What was the problem? I realised instead of fighting for couples, I needed to teach them not to fight. I could teach them about their behaviour and their choices, their options, show them strategies and educate them how they can separate peacefully. So, I trained as a mediator, created a business solely focused on out of court solutions, and I began to guide and coach clients using peaceful methods. The difference and outcomes for clients, was amazing. This was what could really make a difference, change lives, change the pathways.
This book looks at the human elements following separation. The behaviour, needs and interests of the individuals. It supports couples to stay calm and not make any rash decisions, to get educated first. It uses a six-step guide in which I have created to assist couples to stay calm, find the information they need, prepare and even how they can reach agreements on their own.
The peaceful pathway is quite simple:
· Stay calm: Realign yourself and your values. Map out your new pathway.
· Prepare: Do your research. Create your team. Complete action lists and consider your needs and interests.
· Gather: Collect all the information, documents and any advice you need.
· Explore: Investigate, fully understand and review your needs. Do a regular reality test to make sure you are still on the pathway.
· Negotiate: Create the right atmosphere. Know what you need to discuss. Negotiate. Find ways through your obstacles.
· Resolve: Finalise your agreement. Test your solution. Write it up.
Would you like to know how to save your relationships for the sake of your children? Would you like to know how to resolve your settlement peacefully? Would you like to know how to avoid the fighting, the anger, the hurt, the stress and anxiety surrounding a litigated matter, not to mention the legal costs?
The path forward is not about how to fight, but about how to avoid a fight. Its about staying calm, finding peaceful solutions and human solutions to your problems, not just legal ones.
Most of the time we don’t even know what it is we are fighting for or why. Couples are making life long decision whilst running high on emotions and feelings, without even considering what impact that will have long term. Too many people ignore the human aspects of separation, they blame everyone and eveything around them, as a result they make bad decisions, behave badly and it’s those actions that totally destroy families. I believe there is a better way. They need to be shown how not to fight and instead be taught strategies and educated on their options. If that can happen how different and better would their stories be?
This is the very practical book that will help you. It will make you focus on your behaviour and your choices. Your needs and your interests. It contains case studies, tasks and worksheets to help you along the way.
This is the time to create your very own story. Time to make your own choices and create your own pathway. Don’t leave the decisions to others.