Step 5 of the Peaceful pathway - Negotiate

A negotiation is the exercise of having discussions with someone so that you can achieve, arrange, or agree on an outcome. This is not meant to be a fight; this is the chance for you both to sit down together and create a peaceful solution that you can both be happy and proud of. This is the stage where you start working together.

You and your ex-spouse will need to both be in a position where you feel you are prepared and ready to talk. Communicate and make sure that you are both happy to move onto this step.

Check in with each other to make sure you have completed all the preparation work. To start a negotiation unprepared sets you up for failure. The key to any negotiation is preparation. You have everything you need now to be able to sit down together to discuss and to be ready to explore all of your options.

Step 5 in the Peaceful Pathway gives you tips and steps to follow:

·         Creating the right atmosphere

·         Finding the right Location

·         Timing

·         Who should attend?

·         Setting standards of behaviour

·         Creating a schedule

But what happens if you get stuck? Getting to a sticky point is common. This is where we need to stay really calm and think practically. What is the issue? What is it you are getting stuck on? If you need to take a break and come back another day, do that. Or perhaps things are even harder than that and you need to get some more external advice? In my collaborative mediation process, I often send couples off to get some independent legal advice if they are stuck on an issue.

So, if you have hit a legal issue or you are just going around in circles, perhaps it is time to call on that kind lawyer for some advice. Tell them where you are and what the problem is and get some solid advice on your options. If it’s a legal issue such as paying back a loan to parents, or how to treat an inheritance, I would strongly suggest you both get some independent advice. Often, if you are both seeing experienced family lawyers you will get the correct advice that will help you reach a solution. You can then come back together and explain what advice you obtained, and most times the parties realise the best outcome and can move past that stage.

My goal is to educate and teach couples that they can do this together. If they follow the Peaceful Pathway then they can really try and create their own solutions.  However, there are times when they just can’t.  If this is the case then I suggest you move onto my “other options” section.

We are fighting for a calm and peaceful solution and there is more than one path there. As long as it is a peaceful path then you are winning that fight.

At Flourish not only do I mediate and collaborate, you could engage me to coach you along your correct pathway.

Alternatively you could complete on of my online or face to face courses to try it yourself. Take A look here