Adding to your Separation Team
I often talk about creating a ‘team’ around you when you have separated. This team can consist of all sorts of people, people who will add to your journey and keep you on a peaceful pathway. I have recently connected with Sallyanne Hartnell from Reflect Coaching, a Relationship Transition & Divorce Coach and she has so much to offer my clients. So I decided that my families would all benefit from meeting her too, so I asked her a few quick questions:
Tell me a little about yourself?
I am a single Mum and Co-parent to two teenagers, owner of Reflect Coaching, and support clients through feeling challenged in or by their relationship, separation or divorce.
I am deeply passionate about changing the way couples and families experience Separation & Divorce. That, while it's an incredibly difficult life experience, it doesn't have to be devastating. With the right support, a separation and the reorganisation of a family, can be done with kindness, compassion and empathy and it becomes a new start, enabling my clients to reset and redesign a beautiful new version of their life.
Reflect Coaching was born of my own desire to create this outcome for myself and my family when I divorced. I was seeking a holistic, supportive pathway through the overwhelm and the unknown. I wanted someone to guide and support me while I pulled all the pieces apart and put them back together in a new way, that supported, uplifted and held all of us. And I spoke to so many others who wanted this for themselves too and so... Reflect was created to provide that service.
What do you do at Reflect Coaching?
I often introduce myself as "the woman no one wants to need" since really... who wants to admit that they are feeling challenged in or by their relationship or are divorcing.
What I do is create a deeply supportive, nurturing and confidential space for my clients to explore what they most want for themselves - be that a reconnection to their current partner, a gentle and compassionate exit from a relationship, or a pathway through a divorce they didn't expect or choose.
I have two signature programs:
Reclaim - for anyone wanting to explore their current relationship, perhaps reconnect & rejuvenate it, or wondering whether to stay or go.
and
Liberate - for those who've already made (or been told of) the decision to separate.
Both offer a 3 - 4 month experience of 1:1 coaching calls, messaging support & a whole pile of resources.
Really though, what I do is support my clients to understand what they most want, to sift through all the overwhelm, fear the indecision to determine their next steps to move them towards that is, and a supportive, encouraging container in which to make those steps.
Can you tell me in a few sentences what “Relationship Coaching” is and how you think this will benefit my families?
To rediscover who they are, what they value, what they most want for the next stage of their life, then create a plan forward, step by step, to create that for themselves.
So whether navigating a collaborative divorce or one with a tricky ex where we work on communication skills, setting boundaries, and owning self-worth to enable a client to stand firm and negotiate or applying those same skills to a relationship you're wanting to reset, it's a fully supported space where you have me as your guide, coach, supporter and cheerleader to build the skills you most need to create the outcome you deeply desire.
Having a relationship or divorce coach is a lot like having a personal trainer... We set goals together, outline a pathway forward, choose actions & outline what needs to be done, practised, learned or achieved, and then you as the client do the "work" with my support and guidance.
In terms of benefiting the Flourish families, relationship coaching with Reflect helps clients
- identify & heal triggers so they can make sound, objective decisions
- communicate clearly, calmly & empathetically
- be focused on the outcome / solution to their family law problem
With my clients we "start at the end" by discussing "how do you want your life, your family to look, feel and be in 5, 10, 20 years' time" then all decisions or choices are made in that context.
If a client most wants a calm and peaceful life, what are the choices that will lead to that life?
How can decisions being made now, as clients navigate their mediation or separation, support everyone to move towards a calm, peaceful future family?
What is one message you would like to share?
One message: Go slowly. Choose kindly.
When we are hurt and in pain, we can't see things clearly.
My advice for anyone newly separated is to take your time. Don't rush into decisions. These are big and life changing decisions, so don't rush to make them when you're hurting and deep in anger, fear or grief.
Allow ALL the emotions and give yourself some time to allow them to settle a little if you can.
Choose the kindest path you can choose.
Once you start on an adversarial path, it's a snowball effect & difficult to stop, so choose kindly.
When I say choose kindly, I don't just mean "lawyers"... In each decision you're making find the kindest option - kind for you, kind for your kids, kind for your ex.
You're going to be a family for the rest of your lives. You're connected by the children you brought into the world together, so if at all possible, choose the kindest path.
You can contact Sallyanne at www.reflectcoaching.com.au